[推荐][转贴]中国简史搞笑版(没看过的朋友务必点击) 

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盘古说：我开；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>女娲说：我补；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>共工说：我撞；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>神农说：我尝；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>精卫说：我填；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>夸父说：我追；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>后羿说：我射；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>嫦娥说：没射着！&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>黄帝说：我们做什么；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>尧说：我让；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>舜说：我也让；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>禹说：咱爷们怎么办？&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>启说：让他们球！&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>桀说：好玩；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>汤说：造反有理了；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>夏亡了……&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>纣说：痛快；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>武王说：我也反了；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>商亡了……&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>幽王说：点火；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>褒姒说：刺激；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>周也亡了……&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>干将说：我铸；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>专诸说：我舞；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>荆柯说：我刺；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>赢政一躲：没刺着……&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>始皇说：我修；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>姜女说：我哭；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>陈胜说：有种；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>项羽说：我举；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>刘邦说：我斩；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>秦亡了……&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>孔子说：我仁；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>孟子说：我义；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>老子说：我无为；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>庄子说：我逍遥；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>韩非子说：把他们全抓了。&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>张良说：我出谋划策；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>韩信说：我统帅三军；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>萧何说：我运筹帷幄；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>高祖说：老婆，怎么办；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>吕后说：全喀嚓了。&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>文景说：我治；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>武帝说：我兴；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>光武说：我中兴；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>献帝说：我说了不算。&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>张骞说：我通；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>班超说：我也通；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>苏武说：通个屁！&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>卫青说：我打；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>霍去病说：我也打；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>李广说：我还打；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>昭君嫣然晕笑，遂天下太平&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>董卓说：我势大；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>吕布说：我人帅；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>貂婵说：你们俩谁厉害。&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>董卓完蛋了。&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>曹操说：快帮我脱鞋迎老许；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>刘备说：快给我牵驴来访诸葛；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>孙权说：周郎自有妙计安天下；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>周瑜说：加油，烧死老曹；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>诸葛说：天下三分，人人有份；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>司马昭说：向刘备同志学习；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>晋开始了。&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>司马迁说：要想成功，不怕被宫；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>班固说：我要出书；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>司马相如说：一首赋稿费一千；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>曹操说：抄家伙我要赋诗；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>曹植说：命题作文有何难；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>孔明说：我要写道动员令；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>陶潜说你们累不累呀。&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>遂卷铺盖回家了。&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>朱温说：我同花顺；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>萧道成说：我一条顺；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>陈霸先说：重新洗牌……&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>杨广说：去扬州观花；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>李渊说：消来公费旅游；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>李世民说：魏征，你的意思；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>李治说：老婆，你的意思；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>武则天说：那还不如我说了算；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>薛刚说：反了你了！&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>骆宾王说：鹅肥；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>王勃说：情深；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>李白说：酒美；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>王维说：景幽；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>孟浩然说：风流；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>杜甫说：屋漏；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>白居易说：抱想琵琶唱OK；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR><BR>李商隐：我没话说了。&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>柴荣说：三武废费有我一份；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>赵匡胤说：今年流行黄袍子&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>寇准说：带上瓶醋谈判去；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>李刚说：保家卫国；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>徽宗说：没保成；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>钦宗说：我想回家；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>金兀朱说：没门……&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>赵构说：把姓岳的抓了；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>岳飞说：我有何罪？&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>秦桧说：也许有……&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>陆游说：我要死了；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>文天祥说：死得好，我为你喝彩！&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>完颜说：金大；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>耶律说：辽大；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>成吉思汗说：大你个球！&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>忽必烈说：亚欧大陆我说了算……&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>朱元璋说：高筑墙；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>建文帝说：孙承祖业；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>朱棣说：我找我爹；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>严嵩说：清史留字；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>崇祯说：袁崇焕，你的良心大大地坏了……&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>李自成说：歇会，找个小姐来；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>吴三桂说：敢泡我老婆；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>皇太极说：三桂是个好同志。&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>顺治说：爱江山更爱美人；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>康熙说：江山好管儿子难教；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>雍正说：说我狠，我就狠给你们看；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>乾隆说：我爹是谁；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>嘉庆说：和坤是我爹留给我的遗产……&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>施耐庵说：天罡盖地煞；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR><BR>罗贯中说：曹刘震河腰；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>吴承恩说：全盘西化；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>曹雪芹说;读书人的事能算淫么；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>蒲松龄说：我是另类我怕谁？&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>林则徐说：我销；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>洪秀全说：我反；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>康有为说：我变；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>孙中山说：看我的。&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>慈禧说：木偶戏你当好演呀；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>李连英说：有奴才伺候；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>李鸿章说：九亿白银，小意思；&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>　　&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR>袁世凯说：窃国者为诸候？&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR><BR>蒋介石说：何以家为&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR><BR>毛泽东说：成立了&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR><BR>邓说：我开放&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR><BR>江说：我代表&nbsp;&nbsp; <BR><BR>胡说：我和谐..........&nbsp;&nbsp; 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